Ellen turned away from his intense gaze as she furiously attempts to wipe away the signs of her obvious distress. "I donít know what youíre talking about Dr. Harmon we have nothing to discuss."
"We both know thatís not true. I want to explain what you thought you saw at the Recovery Room," Matt said moving towards her.
"You donít owe me any explanations. I understood perfectly what I saw."
"No you donít. Ellen please look at me."
"Youíre getting a little too comfortable with the Ellen thing doctor, and as I said before I donít need any explanations," Ellen told him still refusing to turn around for fear that the tears she had managed to restrain would refresh themselves.
Matt takes her hand and gets her to turn around, "Ellen thereís nothing going on between Grace and me you have to know that," he explained his eyes pleading with her to believe him.
Removing her hand from his grasp, "Why are you telling me this? What you do or donít do with Grace is none of my business."
"Thatís where youíre wrong, it is your business. Why did you run out of the Recovery Room so fast?"
"I lost my appetite," she answered turning away from him once again.
"Stop doing that Ellen! Dammit look at me!"
Ellen steels herself and slowly turns around, "Donít use that tone with me doctor," Ellen advised shrouding herself in her protective supervisor cloak.
"I hate when you do that. Get all authoritarian on me when weíre discussing Ďusí."
"There is no Ďusí Dr. Harmon."
"The hell with that, there is an us, you might hate the idea of it, but it doesnít change that itís true. You made a mad dash out of the Recovery Room because you saw Grace kissing me."
"Why would that bother me?" she asked in her best indifferent tone.
"We both know the answer to that. Ellen Ďsheí kissed Ďmeí. She saw you come in and used it as an opening to get to you. I told her I didnít want to see her anymore and she was pissed."
"Oh yeah, she was so pissed she had to give you a great big kiss. Thatís generally my first reaction to someone Iím angry with too," she said sarcastically. "Iím not doing this. Who you see and what you do with them is of no concern to me. I want you to leave."
"Iím not going anywhere. Iím not leaving until you finally admit that you care about me."
"Youíll be waiting a long time. If you donít go I will," Ellen attempts to move around him but he thwarts her by blocking her path.
"No more running Ellen, weíre going to deal with this. You care about me."
"Yes I do, I care about all the interns. Itís my responsibility to Ö"
"Donít go down that road with me again," Matt said interrupting her words. "Your relationship with me is nothing like the ones you have with the other interns."
"Itís exactly the same," she falsely proclaimed.
"Thatís right, all the interns know you have a wicked jump shot. They all know about the pain that you hide behind that bravado of yours, and of course the big one they all know how afraid you are of being hurt by love again. I mean this is public information," he explained in a mocking tone as he closed the space between them. "I know you Ellen, the real you, and I also know that you care about me as more than just another intern. Iíve seen into your heart. Iíve felt the intensity of your touch and the softness of your lips those facts make me a lot more than just another intern. Just admit it Ellen for goodness sake," he implored.
"Okay youíre not just another intern," Ellen allowed as a grateful smile formed on Mattís lips. "Weíre friends," she explained as his smile slowly disappeared and a cloud of frustration covered his face. "My problems with the Greg Cooper and his family, your fight to perform surgery and my mother coming back into my life those factors brought us together and we formed a friendship so in that respect yes you are more than just another intern. On New Yearís you kissed me, in much the same vein you said Grace kissed you today, and you know more details about my life because youíre on my motherís case. Thereís your argument Dr. Harmon, weíre friends Iíll concede to that, but that is all Iíll concede to."
"You think you can explain anything away donít you?" he said barely able to conceal his frustration. "Well keep explaining. What about last night? What was that I came in on just now? You were kicking yourself because you were upset to see Grace kissing me, or as it appeared to you, my kissing Grace. You were wondering how you came to care about me so much that my kissing her would hurt you. That was your dilemma. I heard it myself from your lips. Explain all that!" He urged his eyes boring into hers as he waited for an answer.
Ellen remained silent.
"You donít want to explain because saying it out loud would validate your feelings for me and you donít want to do that. Thatís the last thing you want to do. Ellen stop throwing up all these damn walls and just feel what youíre feeling! Itís not wrong. Sam wonít hate you for moving on," he stressed.
"You donít know what the hell youíre talking about!" Ellen raged as his astute perception jarred her.
"I know exactly what Iím talking about. You loved Sam so much that when he died a part of you died with him. That pain is one you never want to experience again so you donít want to care, if you donít care you donít get hurt. Donít you realize denying what youíre feeling hurts too? Sam is in your heart Ellen he always will be, but thereís no doubt that Iím in your heart too. It would be so easy for both of us if we didnít feel what we feel for each other but we do feel it. Ellen itís undeniable and I canít and I wonít deny it anymore. From my own perspective Iím being selfish, I know this, but my need for you is clouding my judgment. Ellen IÖ"
"Matt donít say it," she pleaded backing away from him as tears formed in her eyes.
Approaching her as she continued to back away, "Donít say Ďití? Donít say I think you are the most beautiful woman Iíve ever seen in my life?" Ellen continues to step back as he continues to move forward. "Donít say how when Iím around you my heart feels like itís going to burst out of my chest?" Ellen canít back up any more as she has come to the cot that was in her office and falls back against it landing in a seated position with Matt coming directly up to her before he stopped his eyes piercing hers the whole while. "Donít say that my feelings for you are stronger and more intense than anything I thought possible for one human being to feel for another? Okay, I wonít say it," taking his right hand and gently stroking her cheek, "Iíll just show you."
The pounding in Ellenís heart was telling her to stay put, but the words in her head was telling her to run for the hills because Matt was right, she was afraid. She hadnít felt emotions like the ones sheís experiencing for him since Sam. Sam was her heart how could she have feelings for another man? Why did Matt Harmon have to be so gorgeous and so damn persistent? She thought she was stronger than this, but he was weakening her, he wasÖher thoughts were broken up when Mattís lips captured hers in a very gentle, very tender kiss. Ellen couldnít help responding to the growing urgency in his kiss. Mattís tongue tapped gently against Ellenís lips as if he were knocking at her door for permission to enter. After a few more Ďknocksí she allowed him to come in as the kiss deepened all the more. Their breathing became labored as their hands joined in the exploration their impassioned kiss had begun. Things were beginning to get a lot more intense when as Matt was in transition of joining Ellen on her cot both their pagers went off.
That reminder of the real world shook Ellen back to reality as she quickly pushed him away from her putting an end to their display of passion and re-erecting her walls of protection as she dashed over to the door.
"We canít do this," she declared, gathering herself.
"We almost did do it," he informed her, his lips still tingling from their fiery kiss. "Ellen donít, donít throw up the damn walls again," the pleading in Mattís voice unmistakable.
"No walls, just truth. I am your boss, you are involved with Grace, she is my friend and this will not happen," Ellen explained trying her best to convince them both of the last part of that statement.
"This has already happened Ellen. Itís been happening from the moment we met and itís not going to stop happening just because you want it too or because you refuse to acknowledge it. As for Grace sheís a non-issue, you know it and so do I."
"I know what I saw and I know what I feel and I donít need you to tell me what either of those things are."
Looking at her pager, "Iím needed in the ER and Iím sure your pager will tell you the same thing so letís go." Turning to look at him once again before going out the door, "And Dr. Harmon this is the very last time I will talk about this Ďissueí again. Weíve beaten this horse to death and Iím not doing it anymore."
Ellen left the office burying her feelings deeper inside herself as she went off to the emergency room to do the one thing that didnít leave her torn and conflicted and that was save lives.
Matt took a few moments to curse the pager for the ill-timed interruption and Ellenís stubbornness for preventing her to feel what they both knew she was feeling. She was stubborn but he was stubborn too and he refused to let her willfulness and fears as well as his own keep them from having their forever. Those few minutes they just shared were too amazing for words and he was neither willing nor able to turn his back on that. If Ellen Burgess wanted a fight he would give her one and this was a fight he had every intention of winning.